145+ Funny Mom Jokes Because She’s Way Funnier Than Dad (Just Don’t Tell Him That)

It’s true; mothers can do all of it — including laughing dad jokes under the table. Sorry, Dads (and your dad jokes), but mothers are pretty funny too. Actually, a part of what makes mothers so hilarious is that they’ll easily laugh at themselves. Whether or not they’re poking fun at pregnancy and motherhood or LOLing on the crazy things kids make them do, mom jokes are funny for the entire family. There’s little question that inspiring quotes about moms have their special time and place, but there’s nothing quite like a witty knock-knock about Mama!

You’re not alone in your seek for an epic one, either. In accordance with probably the most recent search data available to us, mom jokes is looked for nearly 22,200 times monthly. So, we rounded up the mom jokes and quotes that can leave you loving and laughing at your mom much more.

Epic Funny Mom Jokes

1. Son: “Mom, can I get $20?” / Mom: “Does it appear to be I’m product of money?” / Son: “Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”
2. What did the newborn corn say to the mama corn? “Where’s Pop Corn?”
3. Daughter: “Mom, I would like my personal space!” / Mom: “You got here out of my personal space.”
4. Mother: (n.) One one that does the work of 20 totally free.
5. Don’t get up mom! There are not less than seven species that eat their young. Your mom could also be certainly one of them.
6. I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do in case you needed to arrest your personal mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”
7. Why is a pc so smart? Since it listens to its motherboard.
8. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long!
9. What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor? The web, telephone, and telling your mom.
10. What do you call a small mom? Minimum.
11. “It just occurred to me that nearly all of my food regimen is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” — Carrie Underwood
12. A mother said to her son, “Have a look at that child over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Possibly he has good parents then!”
13. “How do I explain [my mom]? She is as respected as Mother Teresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.” — Leslie Knope, Parks & Recreation (2009-2015)
14. What did the Mama tomato say to the newborn tomato? “Ketchup!”
15. Why did the newborn strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
16. What did the mama say to the foal? “It’s pasture your bedtime.”
17. What did Mommy spider say to baby spider? “You spend an excessive amount of time on the internet.”
18. What did the mother broom say to the newborn broom? “It’s time to go to comb!”
19. Science teacher: “When is the boiling point reached?” Student: “When my mother sees my report card!”
20. “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 100 times not to take a seat on that wall. But would you take heed to me? No!” — Humpty Dumpty’s mother
21. “I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do anything about this, Goldie?” — Goldilocks’ mother
22. “Mike, can’t you paint on partitions like other children? Do you will have any idea how hard it’s to get that stuff off the ceiling?” — Michelangelo’s mother
23. Daughter: “Mom, what’s it prefer to have the best daughter on the planet?” Mother: “I don’t know dear, ask your grandmother.”
24. “If at first you don’t succeed… try doing it the best way Mom told you to at first.” — Unknown
25. Mommy: “Mommy will give it some thought!” / Narrator: “Mommy never thought of it. She knew it was ‘no’ all along and just wanted everyone to STFU.”
26. “When you’ve never said, ‘It is advisable to back up somewhat so I can wipe myself,’ do you even have kids?” — @The Mother Octopus
27. “I all the time remind my kids: Having a weird mom builds character.” — Wellnessmama
28. “I’m only a mom, standing in front of my husband, attempting to say something that I can not remember because our youngsters interrupted us 175 times.” — Mommy Owl
29. “I really like all my children equally. Aside from the one which sleeps… I really like that another.” — Unknown
30. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore you mommy!
31. What did the panda give his mommy? A bear hug.
32. What makes more noise than a toddler jumping on mommy’s bed? Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!
33. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you want breakfast in bed mommy?
34. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook.
35. What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes? “Calm down mom… you possibly can just do them within the morning.”
36. What sweets do astronaut mothers like? Mars bars.
37. What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the yr? Mummy’s Day.
38. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you would like a bit of recommendation?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter in case you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it, anyway.” — Erma Bombeck
39. Mom: The amazing ability to listen to a sneeze through closed doors, in the midst of the night, three bedrooms away — while daddy snores next to you.
40. Never doubt a mother! She will be able to carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, talk on her cellphone, and still shoot you daggers for her crazy.
41. Nothing is actually lost until Mom can’t find it.
42. Why do Moms must have two visits to the optometrist? Because in addition they have eyes at the back of their head.
43. Why did mom get a plate of English muffins on Mother’s Day? Her family wanted her to feel like a queen!
44. “It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want, like a bottle of wine, out of macaroni and glue.” — Stephanie McMaster
45. “Having kids makes you look stable to the individuals who thought you were crazy and crazy to the individuals who thought you were stable.” — Kelly Oxford
46. “Waking your kids up for varsity the primary day after a break is nearly as much fun as birthing them was.” — Jenny McCarthy
47. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Omelet. Omelet who? Omelet Mommy sleep in today.
48. At my age I’m not a snack; I’m a Joyful Meal. I include toys and children.
49. Yes, please get a recent cup each time you wish water — said no mom ever.
50. Silence is golden. Unless you will have kids, then silence is suspicious.
51. Licked a dark smear off my finger, after which thought, “Phew it’s chocolate.”
52. I don’t need to sleep like a baby. I need to sleep like my husband.
53. Spit up is my recent favorite accessory; no outfit is complete without it.
54. I feel personally victimized by my very own daughter. I just want her to stop throwing crackers at me.
55. I hate after I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner after which I remember I’m the mom, and I even have to cook dinner.
56. Whoever wrote the song “Easy Like Sunday Morning” didn’t have kids.
57. When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and dress.
58. You already know you’re a mom when picking up one other human to smell their butt isn’t only normal, but needed.
59. My mom told me I’d never amount to anything because I procrastinate an excessive amount of. I said, “Oh, yeah? Just you wait.”
60. I stubbed my toe and my mom shouted at me for yelling, “What the duck!” She was indignant that I used fowl language.
61. What form of flowers are best for Mother’s Day? Mums.
62. Why did they must rush the mommy rattlesnake to the doctor? She bit her tongue!
63. “Ah, babies. They’re greater than just lovely little creatures on whom you possibly can blame your farts.” — Tina Fey
64. “Sleep at this point is just an idea, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the longer term.” — Amy Poehler
65. “I all the time say in case you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” — Reese Witherspoon
66. “Nobody told me I could be coming home in diapers, too.” — Chrissy Teigen
67. Why did the mommy cat need to go bowling? She was an alley cat.
68. What color flowers do mama cats prefer to get?Purrrrrrrple flowers.
69. What warm drink helps mom chill out? Calm-omile tea.
70. How do you get the youngsters to be quiet? Say, “Mum’s the word.”
71. How do you retain little cows quiet, so their mommy can sleep late? Use the moooooote button.
72. Why was the home so neat on Mother’s Day? Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleansing it.
73. Why did the mommy horse need to race on a rainy day? She was a mudder.
74. Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater? She was chili.
75. “My mom said she learned methods to swim. Someone took her out within the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned methods to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t attempting to teach you methods to swim.’” — Paula Poundstone
76. “I really like when the youngsters tell me they’re bored. As if the woman standing in front of a sink stuffed with dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about methods to have a great time.” — Just Surviving Motherhood
77. “My kid is popping out to be exactly like me. Well played, Karma. Well played.” — House Wife Plus
78. “My kids are never higher friends than when it’s half-hour past bedtime, and so they won’t stop giggling.” — The Simplified Family
79. “Remember if you first became a parent. And all the things was so terrifying? Now you watch your kid lick the grocery cart and also you don’t even break a sweat.” — @She’s The Honest Mom
80. “I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for six to eight more weeks.” — Petite Bello
81. “Is there any option to file a brief restraining against a toddler? Similar to 24 hours, possibly two days tops. Asking for a friend.” — Just Surviving Motherhood
82. “I just watched my child individually pick off and eat every sprinkle on the donut I gave her. She has the patience for that, but can’t wait 30 seconds for me to pee by myself.” — @She’s The Honest Mom
83. “‘When can we come see the newborn?’ 4 a.m. could be super helpful. Thanks.” — Just Surviving Motherhood
84. “Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock backwards and forwards somewhat bit. You must torture someone? Hand them an lovely baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” — Shonda Rhimes
85. “Essentially the most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The unique meal has never been found.” — Calvin Trillin
86. “I need my children to have all of the things I couldn’t afford. Then I need to maneuver in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
87. “On daily basis if you’re raising kids, you’re feeling like you would cry or crack up and just scream ‘That is ridiculous!’ because there’s a lot nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the undeniable fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.” — Kristen Bell
88. “Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your home.” — Julie Bowen
89. “I really like to play hide-and-seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to seek out a hiding place where he can’t find me until after highschool.” — Unknown
90. “You already know how once you will have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? No less than certainly one of them is all the time in there with you in any respect times.” — Jennifer Garner
91. “[Kids] are difficult. Wine is needed. They’re great though.” — Kelly Clarkson
92. “Raising a child is a component joy and part guerilla warfare.” — Ed Asner
93. “Often the triumph of my day is, , everybody making it to the potty.” — Julia Roberts
94. “I’ve conquered a whole lot of things… blood clots in my lungs — twice, knee and foot surgeries, winning Grand Slams being down match point, to call just a couple of. But I discovered by far the toughest is determining a stroller!” — Serena Williams
95. You already know you’re a mom if you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
96. My nickname is Mom. But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”
97. Eight-year-old: “I’m hungry” / Mom: “Have some fruit” / Eight-year-old: “I don’t want fruit.” / Mom: “Then you definately’re not hungry.”
98. Mom: “Come down for dinner!” / Kid: “I’m busy, mooooom!” / Mom: “Straight away before it gets cold!” (runs down the steps) / Kid: “Where’s the food?”/ Mom: “It’ll be ready in five minutes.”
99. Kid: “What’s for dinner?” Mom: “Food” Kid: “What kind?” Mom: “The type you eat”
100. Roses are red, Violets are blue. My mom’s jokes, Are funnier than you.
101. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo mama who knows you didn’t throw out the rubbish like I asked you to.
102. Pointed look from mom: “Offer you money? Oh, honey, I already gave you life.”
103. Motherhood is fun and all, but have you ever ever had the home alone on a Saturday?
104. Bought my mom a mug that claims, “Joyful Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son.” I forgot to mail it, but I believe she knows.
105. Moms with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
106. Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day? So the youngsters can spend all their Christmas money on mom.
107. Son: “Mom, what’s a weekend?” / Mom: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one because you were born.”
108. Boy: “My mom is having a recent baby.” / Girl: “What’s improper with the old one?”
109. There are two amounts of pasta mothers are good at cooking: Not enough and enough for 3,000 people.
110. “It’s spicy” is universal mom code for “I don’t need to share.”
111. I really like my kids. Not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I really like them.
112. Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee. Put it within the microwave. Forget you set it within the microwave. Drink it cold.
113. “Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not speak about such things on the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner, the mother asked, “Now, baby, what did you ought to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
114. Baby snake: “Mommy, are we venomous?” / Mommy snake: “Yes, son. Why?” / Baby snake: “I just bit my tongue!”
115. What do you call a mom who isn’t around much and might’t appear to get their underwear into the hamper? Dad.
116. What number of mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, obviously, and he or she has to do it or else it won’t get done.
117. To Mom: “I’m hungry, I’m drained, I’m cold, I’m hot, can I even have… where are you?” / To Dad: “Where’s Mom?”
118. What form of boat is barely staying afloat, yet in some way manages to operate? The mother ship.
119. Mom: “I even have the proper son.” / “Friend: “Does he smoke?” / Mom: “No, he doesn’t.” / Friend: “Does he drink whiskey?” / Mom: “No, he doesn’t.” / Friend: “Does he ever come home late?” / Mom: “No, he doesn’t.” / Friend: “I assume you actually do have the proper son. How old is he?” / Mom: “He will likely be six months old next Wednesday.”
120. A child asks his dad, “What’s a person?” The dad says, “A person is someone who’s responsible and cares for his or her family.” The child says, “I hope in the future I could be a man similar to mom!”
121. Mother to son: “I’m warning you. When you fall out of that tree and break each your legs, don’t come running to me!”
122. Son: “When is Mother’s Day, Dad?” / Dad: (wearily unplugging the vacuum) “On daily basis, son, daily.”
123. What’s a jumper? Something you wear when your mother gets cold.
124. Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom. That’s because, at that time, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the automotive.
125. Please excuse the mess! My kids are making memories of me yelling at them. To scrub up the mess.
126. My kids asked me what it was prefer to be a mom. So, I woke them up at 3 a.m. demanding to know where my lucky sock was.
127. She believed she could, and he or she almost did… But then someone asked her repeatedly for a snack and he or she totally lost track of what she was doing.
128. What’s the fastest land mammal? A toddler who’s been asked what’s of their mouth.
129. Night Mom: “Tomorrow, I’m going to rise up early before all of the youngsters, pack their lunches, go for a run, cook a healthy breakfast, and luxuriate in 20 minutes of silent ‘me time.’” / Morning Mom: “Hahahahahaha. Nice try.”
130. My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”
131. Motherhood: When changing from plaid flannel PJs into black yoga pants qualifies as “getting dressed.”
132. Why did the mother cross the road? To get some peace and quiet!
133. Where do baby Transformers come from? Opti-Mom Prime.
134. Son: “Dad, do the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?” / Dad: “No.” / Son: “Then it’s a great thing Mom does the grocery shopping!”
135. Why don’t they’ve Mother’s Day sales? Because moms are priceless.
136. What did the mother rope say to her child? “Don’t be knotty.”
137. What three words solve every dad’s problems? Ask your mother.
138. “As a mom, I’m consistently nervous concerning the safety of my children. Like especially the one who’s been rolling her eyes and talking back to me.” — @RelaxingMommy
139. “I discovered $20 within the dryer and promptly made a money laundering joke and I don’t care if my family doesn’t think I’m hilarious because I believe I’m hilarious.” — @thepursuinglife
140. “Sometimes you only gotta send yourself to your room.” — @itsdeenalang
141. *In Mary Poppin’s voice* “Kids, time to go!” quarter-hour later… *Christian Bale’s Batman voice* “I said, let’s go.”
142. When my kid tells me they got hurt doing exactly what I told them to stop doing so that they wouldn’t get hurt, I say, “Oh noooooo…”
143. When did you were a mother? When I spotted 90 percent of my day was locating another person’s lost crap.
144. What’s a mom’s favorite flower? Chrysanthemums.
145. “I’m homeschooling like that substitute teacher who rolls in the tv for a movie and just eats snacks at the back of the category.” — @fruitsofmotherhood
146. “Let’s get married and have kids, so as a substitute of having fun with coffee within the morning, you possibly can braid hair while I pack lunches, and we will all be late.” — @simoncholland